“I know what you are.”
An early voter hissed at me as she looked straight into my eyes. She had a deep scowl of disgust on her face. Caught by surprise, since nobody expects a stranger to air such strong combative emotions out of the blue, I tried to reply with something witty, but all I could muster was, “I’d love to hear more.” In reply, she raised her hand to my face and walked past me, refusing to dignify eye contact. It was a brisk sunny morning as I greeted early voters at a community center in Arlington, VA, where I was running as an independent.
It has been almost a year since then, but, to this day, I remember the encounter vividly. In part, because I wish I could have had a conversation with her and maybe understood her point of view. As an independent candidate running for office, I prided myself in having an open mind to the various perspectives in our community. But also, what if she did know what I was? Somehow, she had instinctively bit into a core fear; that I will never be enough and that those closest to me are eventually going to see what big failure I am.
Being an independent is hard.
And yet, despite that, the number of Americans who identify as independents continues to grow. To better appreciate why this is such a meaningful thing, it helps to understand what these individuals are walking away from. Today’s political environment is purpose-built to hold you in a rapt state of fight or flight. It uses focus-group-tested messaging to nudge you in certain ways, using specific words and messages that target your sense of safety. This helps explain what the early voter saw in me: a threat to her and her loved ones.
And to be perfectly clear, she is not to be blamed. Our biology is. Every time you “protect” someone from your chosen group, your brain gives you a hit of dopamine, the feel-good chemical. Political operatives have known about this for years, which is why they like to use words that trigger your sense of safety. Over many years, they have slowly programmed us to become instinctively reactive to other points of view. As an independent, you’re going to be on the receiving end of both parties. Yay, free dopamine for everyone!
Truth is, more people are increasingly choosing to face the uncertainty associated with not having a political association, rather than continuing to endorse a system which promotes disfunction, theater, and apathy. For all you current and future independents choosing this challenging path, remember to have grace for yourself and others. Understanding the role biology and current incentives play can help lessen the daily friction associated with it. Not having a “group” will make it hard for others to know what you are. You’re in good company.