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Less Guns, More Butter Please

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Created: 26 March, 2018
Updated: 21 November, 2022
3 min read

How committed are liberals really to ending gun violence?

And do they really have the will for an exhausting spiritual and political fight to accomplish that?

If the answers are "Very!" and "Yes!" then...

I.

How much should we cut the Dept of Defense's budget?

😋

I'm a libertarian I like budget cuts.

50 percent?

I think 50 percent is what we should cut.

They're the most gun violence people in the world!

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Using Trump's method of asking for too much so you can negotiate down to a better deal...

Which is not necessary for most normal reasonable people, so it's mostly just super obnoxious and time-wasting....

75 percent.

😛

II.

We'll still be like five times the next biggest military!

lol

And nobody's going to come over an ocean and conquer one of the best things they've got going for them–

That America is here and alive and free, baby!

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🌾🌾🌾

The only reason they have as much military as they do is probably because they're afraid of us doing that to them! 😬

You know?

Because of the insane amount of military we have.

(And because we've done it to people.)

What do we need all that for?

Seriously?

Even if they did come over.

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Which they wouldn't.

But even if they did...

III.

Our civilian population is armed to the teeth with weapons they paid for out of their own pocket!

(You know instead of taking it out of your paycheck like the Dept of Defense does).

They have fought hard for their Second Amendment right to defend America. And they have fought well.

So they should be the deterrent.

That's the great compromise.

Okay you want your Second Amendment right to bear arms to defend the country if needed?

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Then you have to be the one we're counting on for it.

80 percent Dept of Defense and Dept of Homeland Sec. cut.

This is for your Second Amendment rights.

IV.

Now don't get greedy liberals!

Do not get greedy.

Bernie's going to try to come in and say we should take that money from the DOD and give it to the Depts of Education and Health and Human Services to dole out.

Wrong answer.

You think conservatives are really going to accept that we have to cut the DOD budget or they can't keep the Second Amendment?

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They already have their Second Amendment rights.

So we're not giving up anything to axe the U.S. military's budget.

(I say "institutionalized gun violence's" budget.)

potayto, potahto

Well here's what you give up:

Don't move the money to socialist causes.

Make it a nice big tax cut for businesses, workers, and families.

Conservatives will like that.

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Lots of them are businesses, workers, and families.

And liberals too.

You can put your own tax cut toward any cause you want.

Then American conservatives can really be accomplishing something with all those fun days at the shooting range–

Acting as a deterrent to foreign military invasion.

V.

And that totally will work.

Like I said no one really wants to invade us anyway.

And if they did we'd STILL have a military that outmatches theirs.

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AND if you thought Afghans and Vietnamese have done an impressive job of fighting off a vastly superior foreign military force with their guns, remember Americans have more, bigger, and better guns and are way more obsessed with them.

We would make some foreign invaders very sorry they tried it.

We don't need this much military spending to do that.

We could do that with 0$ military spending.

But with about 50 percent of its current budget, I bet we could somehow have even better national security.

And save all that money.

And there's way less guns in the world that way.

That's like fortunes that could sustain generations of people being spent on just guns, guns, guns.

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SO many guns. So many kinds of guns.

Missiles. Bombs. Faster than sound jet planes to drop 'em.

Think it might be overkill?

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Editor’s Note: This article is part of the author’s ongoing series called, “Independent Thought Alarm.” It originally published on The Humble Libertarian, and has been republished on IVN with permission from the author.

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