Read Time: 4 - 7 minutes
Thursday night marked the first wave of preseason football games. With the start of a new season comes a flurry of fantasy football pools between offices, families, friends and strangers.
And we figured, what about a spin? Fantasy politics.
If you could assembly your ideal executive branch, regardless of party or political realities, who would you elect to serve as President, Vice President, Secretary of State and Secretary of Defense? (If you’d like to fill out your entire 14 person Cabinet roster, go ahead)
We ask the IVN office and our Facebook community to assemble their Dream Teams. These picks are based on values, priorities, wishful thinking, and of course, a sense of humor. Here’s what we came up with:
Girl Power Team:
President: Hillary Clinton
Vice President: Susanna Martinez
Sec. of State: Nancy Pelosi
Sec. of Defense: Ann E. Dunwoody
For The Lulz Team (GOP Version):
President: Donald Trump
Vice President: Michelle Bachmann
Secretary of Defense: Herman Cain
Secretary of State: Sarah Palin
For The Lulz Team (Dem Version):
President: Nancy Pelosi
Vice President: Anthony Weiner
Secretary of Defense: Joe Lieberman
Secretary of State: Gavin Newsom
Worst Ever Team:
President: Ann Coulter
Vice President: Ed Shultz
Secretary of Defense: Roseanne Barr
Secretary of State: Rush Limbaugh
Gates of Eden Team:
President: Bill Gates
Vice President: John Stewart
Secretary of Defense: Ron Paul
Secretary of State: Christopher Walken
“As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others.” – Bill Gates.
“I’ve been to Canada, and I’ve always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.” – Jon Stewart.
“It’s time we just come home” – Ron Paul.
“Also for me it was different because I play a lot of villains and in this one I play a dad and I play a good guy, basically. He’s the Secretary of the Treasury. I never had a job like that.” – Christopher Walken.
Totalitarian Moderate Regime Team:
President: John Huntsman
Vice President: Matt Metzner
Secretary of Defense: The Minutemen (as a collective)
Secretary of State: Jackie Chan
The creator of this cabinet would also like to see Abby Huntsman involved in a leadership role, for example the Vice President’s Chief of Staff or similar positions in close proximity to the Vice President.
President: David Hasselhoff
VP: Chuck Norris
Secretary of Defense: Arnold Schwarzenegger
Secretary of State: Sarah Palin
“I’m six foot four, an all-American guy, and handsome and talented as well!” – David Hasselhoff.
“Here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: It’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live.” – Chuck Norris
“What is best in life: Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women!” – Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” – Sarah Palin.
Indomitable Indies Team:
President: Michael Bloomberg
Vice President: Angus King
Secretary of Defense: Jesse Ventura
Secretary of State: Melinda Gates
Independent Mike Bloomberg could realistically run a successful campaign for president given his fortune and extensive business contacts. Angus King is an admired former Governor of Maine. Melinda Gates…no one has anything bad to say about Melinda Gates. Jesse Ventura’s imposing build and bald head make him an intimidating figure, thus adept at deterrence.
President: Nick Jonas
Vice President: Eva Longoria
Secretary of Defense: Chuck Norris
Secretary of State: Sean Penn
The Jonas brother has mentioned more than one time his desire to be President of the United States, and testified before Senate in 2009. Longoria appeals to the Hispanic and woman vote, hails from Texas and leans liberal. Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. Sean Penn is involved in several international aid efforts, most prominently in Haiti.
Lakers Unite Team:
President: Kobe Bryant
Vice President: Steve Nash
Secretary of Defense: Dwight Howard
Secretary of State: Pau Gasol
The Los Angeles Lakers remain Kobe Bryant’s team, but newly acquired Dwight Howard adds unmatchable defense to the perennial title contender. Spanish-born Gasol speaks multiple languages, bringing international understanding and calm to the team. Steve Nash is a huge scoop, as a trusted and admired NBA veteran.
Hip Hop Team 1:
President: Jay Z
Vice President: Snoop
Secretary of Defense: Rick Ross
Secretary of State: Don Magic Juan
Others in contention per an IVN office debate: “Common? Anyone, anyone, anyone?” “Wale? Wale runs DC.” “I would like to see Dead Prez share the presidency.” “Tupac and hologram; can’t be killed” “You could make a whole presidential cabinet out of the Wu Tang Clan.”
Wu Tang Team:
President: Ghostface Killah
Vice President: RZA
Secretary of Defense: Raekwon
Secretary of State: Method Man & Red Man (package deal)
RZA acts as the real power broker a la Dick Cheney. Method Man and Red Man are a tag team, twice the frequent flier miles and will break the State record for countries visited.
Who is on your team?